On August 24, 2019 I was working from home on a couch in my parents’ living room. It was a beautiful, sunny Saturday. The house was quiet because my parents and younger brother, Michael, were at an event in DC. I was invited to this event as well, but I had a bunch of emails to catch up on so I stayed in.
Around 1:00pm I received a phone call from Michael. His words were, “Mary, I never thought I’d have to say this…I’m so sorry I have to tell you this…but Joe died.” Michael’s voice started to crack. He held back tears as he quickly explained that our older brother, Joe, had died in a car crash earlier that morning on I-66 in Virginia and that his wife was being rushed to a hospital in DC. I calmly asked for more information, but that’s all Michael knew. I was the first family member to be called. I thanked Michael for telling me and then we hung up the phone.
I closed my work laptop and stared at the floor for thirty minutes as the strong summer sun bathed the living room. I didn’t question what I’d just been told. I knew it was true. Somehow, and I can’t explain it, I knew in my heart that Joe was no longer with us. I guess if you’re close with someone you love you can feel when they’re present, and when they’re not. I just knew it was true. Joe was gone.
I didn’t cry. I didn’t scream. I didn’t do anything but sit there on the couch contemplating what I should do next. My autopilot took over as the shock began to settle in. Over the next hour, I slowly changed my clothes and put tissues in my purse. I had no idea at the time that I’d be spending the rest of the day at the hospital crying and praying among family, but the Holy Spirit knew, and I believe He helped me prepare. My sister and her husband picked me up on their way to the hospital. On the drive down my sister repeated under her breath, “This isn’t happening… This isn’t happening…” I didn’t say anything. Slow tears rolled down my cheeks as we drove through the streets of DC. Thank God my brother-in-law drove us, because at that point my legs began to shake and I swear my body temperature dropped a couple degrees.
My dad was the first person I hugged when we arrived in the small hospital waiting room. He wept into my shoulder, holding me tight. I’m the type of person who tends to balance out the emotions of whoever I’m around. While people were sobbing out loud, I shut down. My autopilot walked for me, talked for when, and texted my closest friends and colleagues for me.
Joe’s body never made it to the hospital because the crash turned into a police investigation. Everything, including Joe, had to remain where it was. The accident was caused by a reckless driver whose actions caused my brother’s car to flip over a median divider and then catch fire. The autopsy confirmed that Joe died on impact, and it’s likely that he did not feel a thing. For this, I thanked God.
The only sibling who didn’t make it to the hospital that day was my oldest brother, Chris. I mention him because later in the day Chris texted the family group chat. He said that he was deeply saddened by Joe’s death, but ended the message with, “It’s okay.” To an outsider this may seem cold and unloving, but I understood what Chris meant. It’s never okay when a young person dies suddenly, but for believers in Jesus Christ we know that it will be okay. This is what Chris meant. He said what I had been feeling all throughout that day. I felt a strange sense of peace for Joe’s soul just as assuredly as I knew that he was no longer with us. Again, it’s one of those things I can’t really explain. I just knew that Joe was in Heaven. Theologically, we cannot know if someone is in Heaven until they are officially canonized by the Church. Yet, as confidently I know the sun will rise tomorrow, I know that Joe is united with Jesus in Heaven. Joe loved his family, his wife, his niece and nephews. But most of all, Joe loved his Faith in God. And that, my friends, is why Chris said it was “okay.”
When you believe in the Resurrection of Jesus Christ and His Kingdom in Heaven, then you live with an enlightened perspective. The Bible says death is conquered by Jesus’s sacrifice, but what does that mean for us? It means that there is no reason to despair when a loved one dies. Cry, yes. Be sad for their loss, yes. Seek counseling to help you accept their passing, yes. But if you and a loved one who dies believe in the Resurrection, then you can believe that that person is finally home, finally fulfilled, and completely at peace in the never ending embrace of our Lord. Fun fact: Heaven is not just a place in the clouds or a spiritual dorm room. Heaven is God Himself. To go to Heaven means to live eternally in God’s loving embrace. And that, my friends, is why my family can accept the unconventional truth that my brother’s early passing from this world is okay.