The contemporary world is polarized over almost everything, and some things more than others stand out. When we hear certain words and talk about certain topics, we automatically retreat into our ideological camps, simultaneously covering our ears with both hands and pointing accusingly at people with whom we disagree. In church life anyone who says “Vatican II”, “praise and worship music”, “the Traditional Latin Mass”, or any number of other phrases easily unearths the strongly held beliefs of others. In the secular world, phrases like “Black Lives Matter”, “vaccines”, “immigration reform”, and so many other topics cause us to grind our teeth in anger toward those who disagree with us, even as we may try to stay above the fray and not allow ourselves to get worked up.
In this angsty cultural context, how can we live out Jesus’ command to “love one another” as he loved us (John 13:34)?
Sometimes questions have simple but difficult answers, and this question is no exception. We know all too well how difficult it is to love each other, especially those closest to us, but Jesus gives us a simple command: “As I have loved you, so you also should love one another” (John 13:34). Likewise, the Golden Rule directs us: “Do to others whatever you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12). Sounds so simple, but we all fail every single day to live out these commands!
So, again, how do we live out Jesus’ commands to love each other, especially when it comes to topics on which public opinion has separated so strongly into polarized camps? I have three suggestions based on personal experience–from failing so often to listen to others:
-Try to remember that others are beloved sons and daughters of God. In the end it doesn’t matter what we think of others; our own biases for and against our fellow human beings don’t affect their inherent human value. We don’t have value based on what we do or believe. We are loved by God, and he loves us unconditionally. (Of course, we can reject that love, but that’s when the Lord calls us to turn back to him through repentance and the sacrament of Confession.)
-Assume the best of others. Aristotle, an ancient Greek philosopher, noted that we all desire the Good–that is, we all seek what we perceive to be good. As Christians, we know that our desires are distorted and disordered by sin, so we don’t always pursue God, who is goodness itself, but we ought to give others the benefit of the doubt in terms of why they believe what they do. When we encounter someone whose worldview differs dramatically than ours, we should pause and ask ourselves, “What is the end goal of what this person wants? Why does this person support this belief system?” In taking a moment to try to appreciate the underlying motivation of others, we allow ourselves to see them as fellow human beings, beloved by God our Father. This moment of appreciation links itself directly to the Golden Rule, as we try to see others’ beliefs and desires in the best possible light, just as we hope that they would do for us. Then we can have an actual conversation, not a series of accusations sharply directed toward others. Of course, assuming the best of others doesn’t mean that we accept their viewpoints as right but rather that, despite our agreements, we try to build understanding and begin to accompany them, recognizing that we all can learn from others.
-Keep trying. Conversion and growth in love for others takes time, and it’s easy to retreat back into our own echo chambers. Engage with others who disagree with you, building relationships and recognizing that only through authentic, love-based relationships can we hope, by the grace of God, to heal our fractured world.
In the end, we know that the only way in which we can love others is in recognizing that “we love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Unless we accept the truth that God loves us despite our failings, that we all have inherent human dignity simply because God loves us, we cannot hope to rebuild a culture of love and encounter with each other and, by extension and most fundamentally, the Lord himself.
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